Jennifer May Reiland

Mirages weaves together the stories of many women, historical, imagined, and known to me. I combine the known facts with my dreams, associations, and fantasies about them, attempting to fill in the holes where the truth is unknowable.

The paintings examine female guilt, martyrdom, and violence against women. In 2002, a woman made headlines around the world when she committed suicide by throwing herself into a pool of crocodiles in Bangkok. The details of her case captured the attention of the public: before jumping in the water, she calmly set down a bottle of water and her handbag, in which police later found suicide notes accusing her husband of infidelity. Witnesses said that she seemed to embrace the first crocodile to attack her.

I have always remembered this story because I have always been interested in the history of female martyrs. From medieval saints like Saint Catherine and Saint Agatha to historical martyrs like Marie Antoinette and Juana la Loca to modern celebrity martyrs like Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana, these women’s bodies are sexualized, idolized, then ritually picked apart by a mob. This woman’s suicide seemed to me to be a gesture of martyrdom, a literal embrace of the void.

I also remembered it because I grew up in Texas, where alligators are common. I have always dreamed of alligators and of crocodiles. Ever since living in Europe years ago, one of my crocodile dreams is always the same:

I am walking through a European city when, suddenly I encounter a pool of crocodiles at the very center of the city. The dream ends with me staring at them, mesmerized.

All of these forces converged two years ago, as I strolled through the Jardin des Plantes in Paris with a female friend. We had been wandering through the garden, talking about the history of the Jardin des Plantes. We spoke about Marie Antoinette’s fall from queen to publicly executed criminal. We impulsively bought tickets to enter the zoo, her image still in my mind.

And suddenly, the dream I have had so many times was real: I stood in the middle of Paris, before a pool of Nile crocodiles. I was shocked and also mesmerized by the experience, literally mesmerized. I stood still for a long time, watching the crocodiles and thinking about my dream, Texas, Marie Antoinette, and other women whose deaths made them martyrs.

The idea for the paintings in Mirages began in that moment.

— Jennifer May Reiland, 2020